Two Halves

Tame Impala - “Alter Ego”

Yeah, I’d like to see this in a soccer highlights video. Won’t lie.

Newcastle United 3 (Asprilla 22’ (pen), 31’, 49’)
Barcelona 2 (Luis Enrique 73’, Luis Figo, 89’)

Champions League (Group C), 17 September 1997

The 1990s threw up some wild and wacky European nights, most of which exist in some Swiss cheese brain void I can’t quite remember.

But this one — Newcastle United 3, Barcelona 2 — from 1997 has lingered. Not just because this was the Magpies’ first-ever game in the Champions League group stages, nor that they trumped what we now know to be the impenetrable trophy hoarders of the Camp Nou. Rather, because it was arguably Faustino Asprilla’s best-ever game for Newcastle.

(As the commentator notes about :30 in after Tino’s first, a coolly taken penalty, he “looks like he’s in the mood.”)

Asprilla will be remembered mainly for his volatility and boundless energy, but on a good day, he thrived. Of course, neither Newcastle nor Barca escaped the group — Dynamo Kiev rode their two-headed strike beast of Sergei “Flopped at Tottenham” Rebrov and Andrei “Flopped at Chelsea” Shevchenko to a group-topping triumph — which rendered the thrilling night at St. james’s Park rather moot in the final analysis.

(Another great commentator moment: about 3 1/2 minutes in, as Asprilla nods in goal number 2, we get the gem that he “leaps like a gazelle” for the ball.)

But no matter. Enjoy Tino, the wild wing wonder of Keith “Coulda Been Amazing” Gillespie, WARREN BARTON HAIR!, Sergi Barjuan looking entirely fallible as Barca right-back, and a hideous Bologna-esque hodgepodge of a Blaugrana kit that looks as bad as any kit they have worn over the last two decades.

Video!

futbolintellect:

Have 2 hours to kill? Why not relieve Senegal’s upset of France in the 2002 WC?

Especially great for those of us that remember staying up until 2am on a balmy night in college to catch this, sitting on a friend’s couch while everyone else was sleep, and periodically drifting in and out of slumber but vividly recalling the goal during a lucid moment.

Or if you just like watching old games.

footballandnietzche:

Sir Alex Ferguson practicing for Rangers.

Even in training, you can *see* the mind games at play.

Don van Vliet in fine form.

Summery shoegazing.

thearseblog:

A very young Dennis Bergkamp

Cool from birth.

(Source: footballbbys)

nevver:

How to Become Super

“Gone fishing near or around Mjolnir”

(via beneaththepool)

(via Getty Images)

THE WEAK RANKINGS
In which the least powerful clubs in Europe are given their dues because I’m antsy to put my words onto some kind of page somewhere

5. Philadelphia Union
The first of two teams I love on this short, highly-subjective list. But hey, losing influential forward Sebastian Le Toux and well-seasoned goalkeeping maniac Farid Mondragon was all part of their master plan. Season’s still young, but staunching the loss of blood from three straight defeats to open 2012 would be nice.

4. Fulham
Dammit, Cottagers; get everyone on your cool, Martin Jol-led, free-wheel-attacking bandwagon only to test such flighty added support with a dire two-game losing streak that has them in “freefall.” Losing to Swansea is a cool rite of passage for teams appropriately dazzled by Leon Britton’s metronomic midfield passing, but stinking up Craven Cottage in a loss to Aston Villa? Borderline sacrilege. Today’s afternoon jaunt at Old Trafford — a place they haven’t won since the Industrial Revolution — augurs further pain.

3. Olympique de Marseille
Winless in Ligue 1 since January 29, and just nine points from a possible 30 since the turn of the New Year is far from acceptable. They’re now 20 points behind league-leading Montpellier and PSG — and a mere 12 points above the relegation zone. It’s churlish to think they’re in any kind of actual threat, but what fun! (Not fun: key defender Souleymane Diawara being out for the foreseeable future with a knackered knee.)

2. Inter Milan
Huffed and puffed in the first half of Sunday’s Derby d’Italia, but never really came close to blowing Juventus’ house down. Allowing Alessandro Del Piero to sneak in and score his first of the season was further pain for the Nerazzurri. Diego Forlan is sullen, Javier Zanetti’s captaincy and extraordinary career is losing a spot of sheen, and Diego Milito’s style of play — akin to a lightning bug trying to escape a closed jar — is rather less threatening than Claudio Ranieri needs it to be. Limp to the finish line, lads; there’s always next year.

1. Liverpool FC
Two weeks in a row, the Reds have shown that summer vacation is well and truly underway. Kenny Dalglish may have brought a trophy to Anfield, but at what expense?

Peter Crouch is not supposed to do things like this. The prevailing wisdom about Crouch is that he’s only decent in the air, too gangly and awkward to do anything really menacing with his stick figure limbs.

And yet, like most pundit-fed observations, it’s complete nonsense. He’s poor in the air because he concedes so many fouls, and weirdly, those over-size legs are fantastic on the ball.

Like this goal, for Liverpool vs. Bolton. Or this one against Galatasaray.

In short, the well-spoken, nacho-loving beanpole gets quite a negative rap. Today’s goal should prove a decent reminder of his capabilities.